英语趣味小短文（带翻译）

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

Cat and Mice

Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

" What's in your box?" asked the friend.

"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."

"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。

I think that I'm a chicken

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？

病人：我认为我是一只鸡。

精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？

病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。

我要表现得象位女士

I Am Acting Like a Lady

One day when women's dresses were on sale at the FarEast Department Store, a dignified middle-aged man decided to get his wife a piece. But he soon found himself being battered by frantic women.

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowed.

"You there!" challenged a thrill voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

"Listen," he said, "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

我要表现得象位女士

一天，远东百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给太太买一件。可是，没过多久，他发现自己已被疯狂的女人冲得踉踉跄跄。

他竭力忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥动双臂，挤过人群。

“你干嘛？”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得象位绅士吗？”

“听着，”他说，“我已经象绅士一样表现了一个小时。从现在起，我要表现得象个女士。”

The Broom Seller and the Barber

A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.

"Two pence," said the man.

"No, no, " said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."

The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.

"A penny." said the barber.

"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."

卖扫帚的人和理发师

一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面.理发师向他买了一把扫帚.当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱.

卖扫帚的人说:"两便士"

"不,不"理发师说,"我只出一便士.如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去."

卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱.

卖扫帚的人说:"我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上."

Want a Day Off 想请一天假

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, " We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. " I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

一天，史密斯去见他的客户部领导，“老板”，斯密斯说，“我们家明天要大搞清洁，我老婆需要我回去帮忙清洁阁楼和车库，搬搬挪挪什么的。”“斯密斯啊，你也知道，我们现在人手已经不够了”老板说，“明天的假我是没法给你批了”。“多谢老板，” Smith说，“我就知道跟着您干准没错”。

I Lost 我输了

It was at a five o’clock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．

“So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？”

“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come，so we tossed up for it．”

“How nice！And so original， too！ And you won？”

“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost．”

五点钟，下午茶的时间，一个年轻人因为迟到向女主人致歉。

“您能来可真好，琼斯先生，您的兄弟在哪儿呢？”

“您知道我们在办公室里有非常忙，我们俩只能来一个，所以就掷币来决定由谁来。”

“太有意思了！还那么有独创性！那您赢了？”

“不，”年轻人心不在焉地说，“我输了。”

我很辛苦才找来的！

房屋装修少不了墙面的装饰，而用于墙面装饰的材料有很多种，腻子就是其中一种。刮腻子可以使高低不平的墙面保持平整，但刮腻子是一个细腻活，所以有的人会请工人来装修。那么装修刮腻子要多少钱呢？刮腻子有哪些注意事项呢？下面就跟小编一起来看看吧。

一、装修刮腻子要多少钱

目前装修腻子每平方米价格大约在10元至18元，其中包含2编腻子批灰、打磨平整以及刷2遍乳胶漆。乳胶漆为200元至300元，人工费为5元至8元每平方。

1.刮腻子之前首先要对墙面进行清洁，比如墙上的灰尘和一些空鼓的地方要处理好。然后用底漆对墙壁进行封闭处理，因为这样能有效的避免腻子被过多的吸收，从而影响了它的附着力。其次阴阳角的部位要特别注意，它的阳角要用铝合金杆反复挤压成形，而阴角处理的方法是要用专用的工具来操作，这样才能是阴阳角顺直。

2.第一遍腻子施工是厚度要在4毫米至5毫米之间，主要是对墙面进行找平处理。施工方式要平行墙面依次施工，在施工过程中不能来回搓，收尾必须干净利落。同时第二遍腻子施工时要第一遍腻子干透后才能进行，同时要对前面进行打磨处理。第二遍施工完成后待7成干时要用橡胶刮板把墙面进行压光修面，这样不仅可以保持墙面平整顺滑，而且它的颜色也是相近的。

3.在施工的时候工具的倾斜度要把握好，用力要平均，这样才能保证施工效果。比如在填补基层的孔洞和裂缝时，可以用油灰刀填补，首先用食指压住刀片，然后把腻子压进缝隙里，最后把周围的腻子清洁干净就行。同时为了克制腻子的收缩率，所以刮涂的时候不用太厚，可以根据不同腻子的特性进行施工。

编辑总结：装修刮腻子要多少钱以及刮腻子有哪些注意事项小编就介绍到这里了。刷好的墙面不能借助电器来烘干，这样会使干燥不全面，从而造成墙面颜色不一等，严重影响了墙面的美观。